Documentation

Someone posts a soundtrack. I listen. Someone posts a love sonnet. I read. Someone posts a GIF of winter in Paris. I see, and I remember my one perfect night there. 
A book with a golden cover lays next to me in bed. I smell its papers. I feel something and I smile. 

and I can, at this moment, write. 

I should write that it's going to be ok; because at this moment it feels like I am ok. With all that has happened I am still ok. And at the end of what to come, maybe it is going to be ok. 
When I write, however, I do not forget the conditional clauses, the sets of verbs and adverbs of uncertainties. I do not forget my shoulds and maybes. I know better.. I would.

I am ok now because all mentioned above are sides of me, that are alright. I am ok because I invest myself in that track of music and I follow a trail of serene notes and become serene myself. I am ok because I read the sonnet out loud, and I understand it. I understand these are a person's thoughts and feelings, incorporated in these lines. These are bits and pieces of someone's life. This sonnet is a part of someone's soul on a piece of paper. and I read the lines and at this moment I recognize that soul and I connect to it. I understand there was a soul that have loved and told of its love and, as I read, I almost vividly touch its genuineness and beauty. I am ok because what lays beside me temporarily fills the hollow inside me. Indulging myself in a fiction or a non fiction, living a story. Only a story it is, yes, but alive, in me. I am ok because there would always be a summer, my first summer, when I did what I did, what I wanted to do, what I dreamed of doing, and I belonged. Like I always knew I would; even if never for sure, before that moment. I am ok because, with heavy fingers, I now write my momentary gratitude for what is good in the world and in me. 

The sad part can wait until this moment passes. And the moment would extend for, what I would make-believe, longer than it really is. And I should write that after, comes the heaviness, but that would bring it a moment too early. And so I dismiss that part and it shall come in time but just .. not .. right now.

Referenced soundtrack, sonnet and GIF are accessible. Just click on them.