mirror

A mirror in a weary room

a room in a weary mirror

An old life reflectionless

One face in the crowd

Can see your invisible tears

Don’t pain now

Hold on

... 

Silk white

Peace of the heart you shall not

Path of a road darker than the soul

What comes next when there is no more?

Flashes of childhood on pristine glass

Fingerprints in ink

By the time you press rewind it's too late

What comes next for a cold core?

I shall avenge how you’ve wronged me

Devoid of mercy

After the blue skin, I shall revenge

Only an eternity of your suffering soul

can do me right again

End me now, for after I’m right

I’m only wrong.

Two Decades Since '91

WARNING: NOT VERY CHEERFUL DOWN THERE!

I can't stop thinking about my upcoming birthday. It has been a very bad year, and not being a teen anymore is going to make it worse.
The number is just haunting me.

20. 20? 20!

The gloomy mood has been around for a while, and doesn't look like it's going away anytime soon. The weather though has been unbelievably amazing, it's cloudy, cold and pretty. I'm surprised how winter has arrived very early this year; November is usually not that winter-y. I'd like to think of it as God's way of cheering me up, not that I could come up with one reason of why He'd want to do that.
I'm hoping my friends would absolutely forget about it this year. The fact that it's going to be on the night of a very important mid-term exam might help.
20
I wonder ...

Don't get over me emptiness.
First and last you're all and none
In the beginning there was no you, and now there's nothing else.
Red cheeks of colorless blood
Cold breaths and a burning heart
Nothing and everything
I was held, and now...
I've been let go of.

Dream Within a Dream: Inception ultimatum.

“Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one” - Albert Einstein

Life could get very dark and very blue making you question almost everything. What is real?!! What are the facts that I need to have as a basic knowledge of survival and moving on?! Since I’ve been like this for a while, I’ve concluded (after hours and days of harassing my body in every shape and form to get answers) that there is no reality. The word ‘real’ has no scientific basis for existence. And probably the only two facts that are ‘real’ out there are :


       1. Man has been given the blessing and the curse, beyond any bless or curse
           this world might have known, in the form of one thing and one thing only:
           Choice. Man has been given the choice to choose everything. And thus
           creating what he wants. (this is how I tried to phrase the fact in my own
               words. Because it’s a very complicated fact it could need a post of its own,
               but for now This means Man chooses the world he needs to be).


       2. No matter what he creates or chooses, eventually … Man dies.

Have a little faith.

“Now. My turn. Look if you say that science will eventually prove there is no God, on that I must differ. No matter how small they take it back, to a tadpole, to an atom, there is always something they can’t explain, something that created it all at the end of the search.
And no matter how far they try to go the other way - to extend life, play around with the genes, clone this, clone that, live to one hundred and fifty - at some point, life is over. And then what happens? When life comes to an end?”
I shrugged.
“You see?”
He leaned back. He smiled.
“When you come to an end, that’s where God begins.”

A.E. Stallings: The Argument

 After the argument, all things were strange.
They stood divided by their eloquence
Which had surprised them after so much silence.
Now there were real things to rearrange.
Words betokened deeds, but they were both
Lightened briefly, and they were inclined
To be kind as sometimes strangers can be kind.
It was as if, out of the undergrowth,
They stepped into a clearing and the sun,
Machetes still in hand. Something was done,
But how they did not fully realize.
Something was beginning. Something would stem
And branch from this one moment. Something made
Them both look up into each other's eyes
Because they both were suddenly afraid
And there was no one now to comfort them.

Eating My Heart Out

I'm pretty sure we all have our long list of things we Google'd that we'd rather take to the grave. Now I'm about to reveal one of those things, that might not be the most horrible of them, but fairly leaves me in the 'pathetic internet surfers' category. Because this has recently been a huge problem for me, I had to ask the internet god to tell me how to stop eating. It is starting to show on me, and that's the worst part.
It started about 4 years ago when I was a college freshman. At first it was because you had all that free time trapped by a huge food court. Then it was about you friend'ing someone who eats non-stop *although never gets fat* and so it rubs off on you. Later, and most importantly, it was because you're having mood swings, and you're simply not as a happy person as before; emotional eating or so Google calls it.
And all the articles, blogs and books about how you can get yourself to stop eating, it's rather like giving medication to treat the symptoms of the disease rather than the disease itself. *sorry for the medical examples, eventually my major has to kick in*. And no matter what they tell you, if you're not feeling good you're not going to change. Wait, you're not going to want to change.
So I think i'll close those Google tabs for now and go eat the pasta and meatballs we're having for lunch, and then eat dessert two seconds after that even though I won't be hungry yet, but I simply want to eat it because I want to eat it.

iPray for peace.

On the day that is supposedly the date of one of the greatest national victories of my country, I wake up in the gloomiest mood ever, from last night's news about the death of Steve Jobs*. I am mourning an x-CEO of a corporation that has changed the definition of technology to the world. However it is still one of the largest capitalistic corporations that is a part of the greatest ongoing human scam; the monetary system. It is also a corporation that is adding, with its products manufacturing process, to the pollution of this dying planet. A corporation that belongs to a country that has the largest share in percentage of world military spending. A corporation of a country's imperialism that has military bases and installations in over 55 countries worldwide.
However I should remember that I'm not mourning a corporation or a country, neither has fallen down. I am rather mourning a person who used to be one of their pillars upon which they stood.
It is the "greatness" of such man, that makes one so sad for his early departure from this life. I do not know what kind of man, as a human, he was. I know as a mind, he sure was one for the histories to remember and recall for centuries to come. I pray, despite of what my beliefs tells me, that God may have mercy on him. I am not to judge what happens to him next anyway. Who is anyone to judge?

May God have mercy on his soul and all souls; dead and alive.



Steve Jobs 1955 - 2011

No one wins

Do you know what time that is, when the bad side wins? It's the one time you start fighting it rather than trying to set it straight. It's when you give up on it.
You know the whole "if you can't beat them, join'em" saying, well first you can't beat evil. Why? because simply it's more luring, and when it wears you out, fighting it, it will be the one offering you a cup of water to cool you down. A sip of life. The idea of letting go, because believe me, GOOD is a burden. It's a burden that no weak man can carry. It's a burden for the brave, for the hero, and we all know how real superheroes are.
Second if you join em you lose, there's no gain in being on the bad side. Yes, it might look more carefree, good for the heart and all, but it simply isn't. At the end of the day being bad is a bigger burden, but one that is dragged behind you like a shadow of shame following you around. It's a lighter burden but it's suffocating, you can't run away from it.
So... I don't know. Maybe this time the bad side does not win, because simply there is no good side/bad side. There is us. Miserable, lost,, confused us. There is everyone trying to live it whatever way that makes them eventually rest their heads at night feeling, maybe, a little bit better than yesterday or tomorrow.


May you have it figured out, or at least delusional-y so.

Good Morning Lovely Planet


It's the finale of week one, and my system is still high on endorphins. I have to say this is one odd year-start. Of course there's the usual glimpse of hope that maybe it's gonna turn out better this time, my life that is. But since I started this week, it feels different. It's more of a maybe i'll work harder for it this time kind of optimism. This has nothing to do with the revolution, I swear. Maybe it's that I'm one step away from graduating so I'm giving it the final push. Maybe it's some senior first year syndrome that I haven't heard of, I don't know. It's just there. 
However the endorphins can never replace my ever so gloomy look on this country. I don't hate it. I don't like it less. I simply can't love it more and my share of love right now is not enough to keep me in it. I dream of planes all year long, on daily basis. I'm being selfish I know, but I can't control it. 
So maybe I feel better because I'm one step closer to leaving. I don't mind. It's a 'whatever makes you feel good' world today. So my advice is look for what that is and live it. Drop all excuses, think less of the people that, although may truly love you, stand in the way of living your dream and last but not least... own it.


This might not be the most cheerful song to put, this wasn't about me being cheerful at all, because I'm simply not a cheerful person. This song fits my current mood exactly. I hope you like it.

Tumblr: Miss Lucy, Never Let me Go

"The problem, as I see it, is that you’ve been told and not told. You’ve been told, but none of you really understand, and I dare say, some people are quite happy to leave it that way. But I’m not. If you’re going to have decent lives, then you’ve got to know and know properly. None of you will go to America, none of you will be film stars. And none of you will be working in supermarkets as I heard some of you planning the other day. Your lives are set out for you. You’ll become adults, then before you’re old, before you’re even middle-aged, you’ll start to donate your vital organs. That’s what each of you was created to do. You’re not like the actors you watch on your videos, you’re not even like me. You were brought into this world for a purpose, and your futures, all of them, have been decided. So you’re not to talk that way any more. You’ll be leaving Hailsham before long, and it’s not so far off, the day you’ll be preparing for your first donations. You need to remember that. If you’re to have decent lives, you have to know who you are and what lies ahead of you, every one of you."

Reblogged

Posted April 24, 2011 at 10:44 pm

From my Tumblr: Word of the day

When you finally grasp it, understand that something that’s been confusing you for long, I don’t think you’ll ever find such expressive word to all the joy you get as: Eureka!* It’s exactly what you would want to say. It’s exactly what I subconsciously shouted upon realizing a missing fact.

This tiny, yet powerful, word though has quite a story, I thought I’d share. Hope you enjoy it.

Date of Origin 16^th c.
The Greek mathematician Archimedes (c. 287–212 bc) was commissioned by King Hiero II of Syracuse to find out whether the goldsmith who had made a new crown for him had fraudulently mixed some silver in with the gold. In order to do so, Archimedes needed to ascertain the metal’s specific gravity. But how to do this? According to Plutarch (a Greek historian), he decided to take a bath to ponder the problem. He filled the bath too full, as he stepped in it some of the water overflowed – and it suddenly occurred to Archimedes that a pure-gold crown would displace more water if immersed than one made from an alloy. Elated at this piece of lateral thinking, Archimedes is said to have leapt out of the bath shouting heúrēka! * (The goldsmith, incidentally, had adulterated the gold.).
The earliest occurrence of the word in an English text as an exclamation of delight at discovery is in John Dee’s Preface, but there it appears in Greek characters; the first English author to fully naturalize it was probably Henry Fielding in Joseph Andrews 1742; ‘Adams returned overjoyed cring out “Eureka!”’

* Etymology: The word comes from Ancient Greek εὕρηκα heúrēka “I have found (it)”, which is the 1st person singular perfect indicative active of the verb heuriskō “I find”. The reconstructed Ancient Greek pronounciation is [heúrɛːka], while the Modern Greek pronounciation is [ˈevrika].

Posted June 17, 2011 at 1:46 pm